Memories of an Old Man
by xasiannoodlesx
Summary: China recalls his successes and failures from his long history. This is rather historical and very anti-Western, if you don't like this, don't read! Warning: historical references, violence, opium mentionings... rating went up for violence/graphic-ness
1. Chapter 1

My name in my native tongue is 中国，which translates to "Middle Kingdom" in this language. Over the years that pass like a river over rocks, I have had many names, some good, some not. For a long time, I was the center of the world. From my success and suffering, I have learned, and failed to learn from my mistakes. I am a survivor of history, a witness to the peaks and valleys of civilization.

There were periods like the Tang Dynasty when I was the most cosmopolitan empire on earth. Representatives from lands near and far lived in my cities and enjoyed my wealth. My inventions, my silk and fine pottery, were far superior to goods produced anywhere else. The seas were explored in the Ming Dynasty, in which I landed in many barbarian countries. Unlike those after me, I did not conquer the foreign lands and kill the people who lived there. No, I was diplomatic and fair, never enslaving people in a religion they despised. It was undeniable that my writing system, culture and art were the best for thousands of years. My people learned to focus on essential goods, making them rich and successful. I was a mystical and mysterious land of beauty and wealth for a long, long time.

Times of conflict are frequent in my past, struggles and battles still etched upon my skin. The people died from floods and famine caused by cruel leaders and widespread corruption. Battles ensued when dynasties lost the Mandate of Heaven and were overthrown, times of destruction and death. The common man's sweat and tears built landmarks so popular for tourists to visit today. I can still recall when my body was divided into hundreds of pieces, only to be reunited with much blood split. There is no way for me to forget how my mind was shattered when contradicting opinions met angry men of too much power. In hopes their twisted dreams would come true, my people were led astray during desperate times. Nevertheless, those perverted dreams never became reality and somehow I was always able to overwhelm the attacks and find myself again. My past was not perfect, but it was still far greater than many others.

**AN: 中国＝ "zhong guo" = China**

**Time periods: Tang Dynasty (golden age), Ming Dynasty (exploration/trading), implied Three Kingdoms/Warring States Period**

**This is a story with a bunch of short chapters, this one is basically background reading for more modern history. Let me know if there are any inaccuracies if you can find them!**


	2. Chapter 2

The Manchus brought the end to my dynastic greatness. When the barbarian Qing dynasty was overthrown, tradition died with the dynasty. The Humiliating Years are a time I do not like speaking of, but they are undeniably some of the most important in my recent past. To this day, I cannot understand why Britain was so resentful that I was exporting tea and goods to them. Tea and rhubarb are essential and were needed by the big-nosed British. Though my merchants were glad to make money off the British, nothing my country ever sent to that tiny island nation was harmful.

Opium was harmful, though. That beautiful pipe and its magical fumes seduced me. My people and I were entranced in the wonders of opium. I forgot everything but the pipe and the feeling of floating far away, renewing the feeling when I began to fall. A great man realized how dire my situation was when I could no longer rise from my bed. In trying to break me free of the chains of addiction, he angered the Western powers. They swept through my land, sending me to my knees in defeat. A simple signing of my name forced me into a deep humiliation. I lost Hong Kong to that bushy-eyebrowed white devil. I coped with the loss by pretending he had died. There was no other way.

There was a second war, but I cannot remember it very clearly. It blurs with the war before it in a twisting scar of shame. I do remember signing another document that allowed the white devils to go about freely spreading their strange religion. I recall having to pay Britain and his Western friends money, so much money, for their dead. They never seemed satisfied with anything they were given. Those greedy Western powers drained me of everything they could. It is recalled as a time my doors were finally opened to the rest of the world, but it was really more of a smashing of those doors until they had no choice but to cave in.

My people were desperate and angry during this time. Some looked to be saved by other belief systems, even though I have always destroyed those who did not live their lives for the present. The false son of the Western savior misguided so many. The misguided were surprisingly powerful and ended up diseasing a large section of my lands. There was no other option but bloodshed, and bloodshed there was. I was ill during this time, with so many passing into the shadows. I felt the pain and the fear of the suffering whenever I closed my eyes, and to this day I am haunted by the last screams of the innocent who died with the guilty.

**AN~ Historical Events Referenced: First and Second Opium War, Peasant Rebellions (Lotus), Taiping Rebellion, Qing Dynasty **

**I tried to skirt around bashing Christianity, but it really did cause China quite a headache with the Taiping Rebellion. Don't hate me for that .**

**~ This and the first chapter were initially one, but I split them up so that's why this update was so quick! **

**~By the way, I don't own Hetalia. Just my biased opinions about history. **


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: ****你好！****I had to raise the rating because this chapter has some pretty controversial and very graphic/gory stuff in it. A historical note- many Chinese do not separate the Second Sino-Japanese War (term not used by the Chinese at all) from WWII. Which is why the general, intentional disorganization is present. This covers the ROC, WWII, war crimes, etc. Just an FYI I might re-write this chapter, it's not my favourite. **

After the Manchus fell, the scent of revolution filled the air. My mind and body were completely split apart, but the strongest parts of me were Nationalism and Communism. Like oil and water, these two ideologies could never coexist in harmony. Everything within in me wanted to become the most powerful nation in the world, but nothing was functioning. Eventually I discovered to take over myself again, my Nationalist and Communist sides would have to work together. Even after the smaller slashes in my body had healed, the greatest mental split remained. It was difficult, but I let the Nationalist side of me take over at the expense of my Communist side. Eventually I pulled myself together to fight Japan when I realized he was my greatest enemy, but I was always questioning if addressing my inner struggles was more important.

Alas, I never mentioned Japan before this, but he was my little brother. One of my finest tribute lands, he excelled in learning characters though he altered them for himself when I wasn't looking. There were times we got along reasonably well, and times when we fought. I never imagined that he was capable what he did, though. Japan did not just cut me into pieces with his beautiful katakana. He dominated me, forced me to the ground like the Western powers. Japan ended up with more privileges than the Western powers. His men were merciless to my people, murdering and raping my lands. My little brother became my worst enemy in what felt like a blink of an eye. I was helpless in his hands, and he did not hesitate to indulge his sadistic desires.

I fought with my brother so much I can barely separate the memories. The pain from the first part of the war melts into the rest like ice under the relentless heat of the sun on a summer day. I belatedly joined the Allied Powers, comprised of my former enemies, in hopes that the five us of together could defeat my brother and his ruthless Western friends. I even ended up fighting my former friend, the Soviet Union, at one point. He was not a priority, though. Japan was going to be the end of me if I didn't act, and many times, I failed to defend myself. There must have been some victories against Japan- whatever they are, they are buried under some of the worst memories in my history.

I don't remember anything in any sort of order. I recall the cries of a woman as multiple soldiers raped her. The screams of a youth, infected with a vile disease, being sliced open despite his heart still beating so "doctors" could examine him. Groans from my people as they lay dying of the plague, cholera, and anthrax after being intentionally infected by the Japanese soldiers. I can still hear the last weak breath from those buried deep under the ground before their time. To this day, I cannot understand how my brother's troops could do such things to my people.

When my brother was defeated, I must confess I felt a sense of relief. He was weakened so severely that it was unlikely that he would harm my people or me again in the near future. Yet I was also preoccupied in the restart of internal struggles as the Communist side of me had grown strong enough to overthrow the Nationalist side. I had gotten to the point when bloodshed no longer bothered me. Now I wanted to be stable again, to have my head stop spinning from opinions contradicting each other. I was ready to be healed.

I was ready for Communism.


	4. Chapter 4

I suppose at some point during my long history, I had gotten used to being great. For such a long time, I had been the one receiving tribute and spreading my inventions. Yet, somehow I had ended up backwards, lacking glowing electricity and basic healthcare. The other nations sneered at my lack of development. I was ashamed. I wanted to become a great world power once again. The time of imperialism was forever over. Soon the evils of the class system would disappear as well. I would pay back the Soviet Union all I owed them. Everyone would be completely equal under the new ways implemented by Chairman Mao.

Mao was always reminding me, "Revolution is not a dinner party". He had big dreams that he was confident I could achieve if I worked hard enough. The first Five Year Plan had high goals, but I knew I could achieve them. My people and I were full of patriotic spirit and worked very hard. Everyone had a purpose in this system, and everyone was very important. I was determined to become powerful once again, and my people's hopes and dreams motivated me. By the end of the five years, I had surpassed the goals Mao had set. My health had greatly improved in a very short time. I was proud of my people, and Chairman Mao was proud of me.

After the success of the first Five Year Plan, Mao created ambitious goals for me. No one saw any reason why the stakes couldn't be raised higher, why my people and I couldn't be even more successful. The words of Chairman Mao had filled my heart and soul. I knew that if I followed him, I would be great again. It was time to make the Great Leap Forward into the future and turn my people's dreams into my reality.

Things started out smoothly, but quickly went downhill. There was nothing to pay the Soviet Union back with but grain, so with new farming techniques, I grew more. The officers took the correct percentage of grain from the villages and gave it to the Soviets, as planned. However, the people started to claim they had grown more grain than they did. In their desire to help me, they destroyed themselves. The officers took too much grain from the people, leaving them with nothing to eat. Suddenly, my people were starving and dying. I became ill once again, though Chairman Mao didn't notice. He knew the Leap was not as successful as the first Five Year Plan, but refused to let me stop pushing myself. I continued to work, but my spirit was slowly fading as more and more bodies piled up. Nothing I ever did was enough. Only when I collapsed to my knees and wept did Chairman Mao realize what was happening.

Chairman Mao let me tell him what I thought of life under him at some point, and I remember not responding as positively as I probably should have. I was still thin and tired, left staggering after the famine. He was displeased with me and felt he had no other choice but to stage another revolution. The powerful Chairman Mao called upon the brave soldiers and gullible youth to overthrow the system he had just set up. It was time to humiliate the people of power and make everyone equal, once and for all. I can hardly remember all the terrible things that went on during this time. I was just so sick during this time. I feared that this could be the end of the Communist Party, the end of what was now my life.

_AN: Hi, sorry I haven't updated this story in a while. I actually am putting it on hold (with every intent to continue it) because I need to do more research on the next section. My HOC class ended and I don't know enough about Deng to write about him accurately. So sorry. Google, here I come!_


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